Weirdness

I am the first to admit that I am weird. I like it. We all strive to be different, yet when we achieve this we feel alone. Been there done that. In my weirdness though, I have attracted like weirdo's. I am even raising my children to be as weird. When I say this, it is due to our perception of the world and the words we use that set us apart. Example: I threaten to beat my children all the time. I am not afraid of doing this in public. The looks on their faces tell you exactly how much they want this to happen, so it comes across as a true threat. However, if you were to ask my children if I beat them they would whole heartily deny it. How can this be? I tickle them until they can not breathe. I have done this to them in public before and this embarrassed them so bad that they will not do something again to encourage this. I do have a 13 year old who is testing this, he thinks that now that he is a half an inch taller than me that I wouldn't. I am looking forward to the day that he gets his beating. See weird.

How about you?

Healing day 3

Okay so technically it is day 4. I am unsure the reason for not writing yesterday other than I may have been contemplating what to write next. Do I continue writing about my awaking or do I start from where I am now? I feel it is time to move forward and talk about now. As I have stepped into who I am it has become more and more difficult to face some of things I avoided in the past. I recognize this as a pattern and I am ready to break it.

The night of the party my friend Michelle and I attended I was asked by another friend if I was a witch? The reason she asked me this is because she had at that moment made a connection to who I am. I have known her for four years and have hidden my true self from her and others for fear of this reaction. My fear is not only for myself, but for my family. Her reaction is as it always is once a friend discovers the depth of what I can see. One of attack. It hurts and than I become defensive. I am not a witch in the way the world defines one. However, that is the label I am given so that others may feel more comfortable with who I am.

TV shows such as "Medium" & "Ghost Whisper" everyone loves to watch, as they can detach themselves from it and pretend it doesn't exist. They feel safe with this knowledge.   I wish I could be safe in that knowledge. Instead I live that life that everyone pretends only exists in TV or movies.

At times I feel it would be easier to be gay or a lesbian at least they have support. When they come out of the closet they are embraced by others. They even have t-shirts, parades and parties. We don't. I spend a good portion of my life pretending not to see or feel half of the things I see & feel. What good would it do to tell anyone they can not do anything to help me. Example: I was attacked two nights ago in the middle of the night. I have a mark on my arm from it. It looks like any other blemish, however I know the difference.

I will stop whining at least that is what I feel like I am doing. My intention is not to sound whinny though. My intention is to help others understand.

I surrender & trust